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Consider, that: Gilgamesh is a Failure in the Epic

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Gilgamesh is a Failure in the Epic

In a pandemic, in the midst of vast illness and grief, the facts are important, the facts are elusive, time is muddled. I know what I know in pieces.

Inin my late twenties, I was part of the way into a graduate program in literature and at its edges; was trying to live with my failed attempts to care for friends who were HIV positive, and not only them, but hundreds of thousands of people I never met but felt connected to; was watching the apparatus of medical science flailing, ineffective, sometimes compassionate, often vicious, after its little mid-twentieth-century run of omnipotence and violence.

I had spent some years tending others' lives and work, trying to keep those jobs; was now reading all day long. I Due Process Essay a ruptured connection to my own history and found a thin comfort in Defoe's insistence that his books were made of historical facts, confusion at his pleasure in the work of accounting for oneself, wonder at the prevarications of Gilgamesh is a Failure in the Epic novel. For a long time, I believed that I had no right to write about anyone, even myself.

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No right Gilgamesh is a Failure in the Epic no ability: calling up the simplest phrase to account for my life was a struggle; asserting something about another human: freighted with difficulty, risk. A formative period of being told that what I knew and felt was not the case helped shape that impasse, made me skeptical at the core about many forms of knowing.

As have the formative and ongoing practices in this country, beginning with extractive settlement and enslavement, in which counting and accounting for oneself were inextricable from treating others' lives as countable, as property, as instrumental, as insignificant, or else to be removed. It waspossibly earlywhich is to say, still the long s, deep in the free fall of AIDS, which is to say, a time we still inhabit. I know that sometimes I was observant; often so scared link I could hardly see. I know the dead are gone and here, insistently. I know I cannot smell or touch them anymore.

Lisa Cohen

In any case: "Thus fluctuating, and unconcluding, were my Thoughts," says Defoe's Roxana. I sit here now surrounded by paper, books, images, and clothes belonging to friends who are gone, particularly by a box and bag of stuff that belonged here Jim Lyons, the film editor, actor, writer, and AIDS activist, whom I miss every day. Sit surrounded by all I saw and don't recall, by what I did not Gilgames but can't forget, by the fleeting-lasting rhythms of friendship, by my own silences, through the confus'd, fluctuating, unconcluding time of ongoing pandemic and grief, ongoing inequitable health care, at the outset of a new pandemic — "novel," and with more of the same inequities.

It is happening still, happening again, not coming to an end, will not be over even if it does. And as with every event, catastrophic or banal, there are those who are able to live as if it never happened, is not happening. All of these are facts. But I'm trying to bridge some gap, not write a treatise.

ALSO IN THIS SERIES:

Or trying to right an un-treatise. To write a bridge. And to hold onto my friend. Jim Lyons was a filmmaker.

Yet he was never a director of his own work. Best known as the editor of the first five movies of the director Todd Haynes, he also edited feature films for Sofia Coppola and Tom Gilroy, among others, acted in several key films of s US independent queer cinema, consulted on countless other films, curated events for film festivals, was known as a brilliant practitioner in his medium and milieu.

A film project that is not filmed is — A kind of hypothetical statement? A non-event?]